The Cure to Mom-Guilt is Self-Care

It sounds simple, but it is not always easy to practice self-care when you’re a busy parent – and when guilt has so many opportunities to crop up and overwhelm you. Think about the first-time mom who needs to leave her young child to go back to work. Feeling like you’re neglecting your older children to tend to your new child. Holding down your 12-hour job and missing playdates and extra-murals because you actually do need to earn a living.

Taking time to look after your mental health can feel incredibly indulgent when you have kids screaming for attention, a husband who’s working late and deadlines at your day job that need to be met. But when you are so physically and emotionally tired that you LITERALLY STOP FEELING FEELINGS you are not going to be doing your best as a mom, a partner, an employee and you know, just generally as a person.

Kelton Global recently published the “You Time Study” which surveyed over 1000 adults and the findings contain a lot of very interesting information on how we view self-care and what gets in the way of much coveted “me time”. Most noteworthy is that 39% of parents who participated in the study felt guilty after prioritising self-care. Essentially, parents can’t even relax while we’re trying to relax.

How do we put a stop to the guilt and prioritise our mental health?

I chatted to Clinical Psychologist, Fairuz Gaibie, about how we as moms can navigate the crippling feeling of guilt and put ourselves first for a change. She says:
  • I encourage parents to reality check the circumstances that are eliciting the guilt. This would first require you to determine whether these circumstances are: (a) something that has to be done, or (b) something that is good for us as individuals.
  • If you are feeling guilt over something that needs to be done, understand that there is nothing that can be done about this and it is in fact in our child’s best interest. One needs to financially provide for them, or work on moving into a better work situation for oneself through studying.
  • Activities or situations in the second category may include spending time away from your child/ren with friends, on your own or doing something you enjoy. In this case, remind yourself of this indisputable truth: when you do for yourself, you are able to be a much better version of yourself for your child. Just try noticing fully enjoying some time away (without guilt!) and the quality of interaction you have with your child/ren thereafter.