Dealing with a tantrum-throwing tyrant?
Self-regulation has become the buzz word of education because we have come to understand that the ability to regulate our emotions, behaviour and thoughts are linked more to success in life than IQ or even emotional intelligence.
It’s hard as a mom of a two-year-old who is throwing tantrums, biting their friends in the playground and battling to sleep through at night to see how this journey towards self-regulated behaviour will take place.
There are some interesting facts we know about self-regulation that will help you guide your little one towards self-regulated behaviour:
- Self-regulation develops over time and the period from birth to 5 years old is the most critical time for your child to master his emotions and behaviour.
- Self-regulation can be taught through modelling and verbal cues.
- Self-regulation emerges best in a relationship with a loving co-regulator who helps the little one to read his own emotions and adjust his behaviour to the demands of his world.
This means that you are the best person to guide your child as you have a loving relationship and know him best. Here is an example of how an in-tune parent models and guides self-regulation:
Your two-year-old wants to ride on the Thomas train at the shopping center but another child just won’t get off. Your toddler’s emotions range from frustration to anger to sadness. His primal behavioural response would be to push the other child off the train and get on. As a parent you can ‘teach’ him a skill that he can use when you are not there next time, something he can use on his own:
- Acknowledge his emotions for him so that he knows what his feelings are and that the feelings are validated and not wrong – say: “You want to go on the train and feel upset that you have to wait.”
- Tell him what the expected behaviour is – something that is socially acceptable or an appropriate response. – say: “Even though you want to go badly, we have to wait our turn.”
- Then give him an action he can use to self-regulate – something he can use when you are not around – say: “Lets ask our friend if we can have a turn – using words is better than pushing.”
Developing self-regulation is a challenge for all little ones but like learning to read, it is best done with a parent who teaches strategies to cope the next time the situation arises.
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